my reflections
Sunday, November 29, 2009
*and so... december is here.
my time is running out. december is almost here and that also means that the new year is approaching. although december shouts for many happy joyous occasion like christmas and my birthday, this year just seems different. every night before i fall to sleep, the thoughts of me going away again just pain me slowly. i think the reason of me feeling this very way is because i cant bear to be away from babycakes for approximately 9 months. i know what lies ahead is fate that will decide its own path but for now, i still cant bear to. its just painful, painful that i have to be away.
i guess no one will really actually understand how i feel about going overseas. most people see the fun part but till you actually have to be away, its a whole new story that begins.
and how i really feel about you, is something words cant explain. i pray that things between us will work out.
monday blues, back to work tmr. good night world.
its reflected at Sunday, November 29, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
*maybe its time i start blogging again...
the last i blogged was about half a year back. tonight, i felt the sudden urge to put my thoughts to words here. maybe one day when i look back at this, i will remind myself of the little things in life.
the year 2009 is coming to an end really soon and the contradicting part is, im not quite looking forward to it. its a new phase i have to embrace and just when i thought im finally back home, i have to bid my farewells again. yes, the phobia is haunting me day and night.
as much as i know that the things installed for me ahead is a very promising path, i cant bear to leave home again. i will miss my family, friends and someone that is dear to me. i think its my fate and i have to conquer this. avoiding it will lead me nowhere so it all depends how i will face my piece.
but one thing i do hope, is to meet me halfway....
its reflected at Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
*prepare for an emotional ride.
whats an end really?
when in the very first place,
didn't even had a start to it.
so buckle up tight,
and prepare for an emotional drop.
this game,
is what they call,
mind games.
its reflected at Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
*downhill.
its been awhile.
time flies and it scares me.
is it true that you dont know what you have to lose only until you have lost it?
then they say life is like a roller coaster ride, either you like it or you dont.
here i am, standing on this thin grey line.
wheres my decisions at crossroads?
the days of late saw me smile and frown.
sometimes i wish for a better day.
and someday i wish for an even better day.
how can i then be contented?
its never ending and its eating me up slowly.
let me,
be me.
its reflected at Monday, April 27, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
*the world from a different perspective, we have yet to learn.
as the flowers gaze at you.
its reflected at Sunday, March 29, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
*in times like this...
haven't been feeling at top moods of late and in times like this, they say crying your hearts out is at best option while some may suggest, eating your hearts out. this time around, i found crying myself silly. its for no apparent reason that i wanted to cry but i guess its been awhile since the tear ducts worked and i wanted to have some time alone. i went to bed in hopes of catching a few blinks to sleep but found myself swelling up in the eye. uncontrollable, but i must say, i felt better. there are no whys to it and as for those full of hatred, you must be happy to read such an issue/ emotion. i reckon is just one of those days when emotions in you cant keep still and stirs up the mind. i thought i had many things to type thats why i switched on the computer again but it seems like i cant get my thoughts flowing. maybe, somethings are better left unsaid, maybe.
somedays i feel like i've got enough of this life. somedays i feel something is missing. somedays i feel i'm living life to the fullest. somedays i feel like i'm just going downhill. somedays, i just don't feel somedays. i cry, i laugh, i smile, i scream, i dream, i.. i'm simply just another soul on this planet seeking for best roads at crossroads. for today may be a good day, you never know when bad decides to take a visit. a friend once told me this and i've always been reminding myself thereafter that quote saying that life is full of ups and downs and that when you are at down, remember your up is coming and look forward while those at up should worry because their down is on its way'. thats reality in life.
i sob as i type this entry but it really feels good. it really feels good. its been awhile...
its reflected at Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
*when i wish you best...
thankfully, i made the decision to leave this place a tad bit earlier. there is no reason why i should stay on more since people around me are getting all better emotionally and happily in love. i felt like i had enough of this stay back here and yeah, its time that i jet off once again.
the countdown of remaining days begins and thats when i know i have to let you go. its been a trip worthwhile and made me realise life a little better too. seen friends around me going on a downhill trip and some for the better, uphill. its depressing to see how marriages end up a disaster. i guess after hearing people out from such situations, it sometimes scares me. humans tend to paint the picture with many colours but have you realise how the many colours combines to become an ugly colour? too many good things doesnt always mean good.
its been a long time since i wanted to type an entry but just suddenly, i just wanted to. the lunar new year has been a quiet one this year. i'm glad i got to ate steamboat with the family this time since last year was a disaster and i landed up lying in bed for a good whole eight days.
to recall on my trip back here so far, its been nice catching up with friends i missed and glad to see some true colours as well. came back without telling much friends that i was back cause i started to realise that its only good friends who will contact me and make some effort in meeting up even though it might just be a short while. i saw some heartaches through some while others go onto the journey of love. i'm glad i saw myself looking at issues differently and i reckon i learnt some valuable lessons too. 21st birthday came and go in the blink of the eye and before we all knew it, the new year came and we are already almost a month into the year 09.
i've been thinking quite abit lately but i saw things with a different view and learnt to let go of certain things i know i have to. i'm glad a new semester is starting soon for me and i'll leave my worries back at bay and be happy the mo i land. hopefully this time, i'll come back home to singers without having the need to leave some issues back in aussie and come here to forget again. i'm pretty glad with myself this trip home cause i found myself to have learnt alot, be it mentally or emotionally.
till then when i have that blogging mojo once again. smile, like you mean it.
its reflected at Wednesday, January 28, 2009